What Obama Really Meant
Here's how W.O.R.M. is played...
- There are three teams — and a special player called "The Unifier"
- The teams are the Progressives, the Obama Fan Base, and the Grand Old Party
- The goal for the Progressives is "Progress," meaning that players who start the game with less money someday have a chance to have more
- The goal for the Obama Fan Base is "Unity," meaning that the Progressives have to stop their partisan bickering with the Grand Old Party, and everyone gets ponies
- The goal for the Grand Old Party is to take all of the money that other players started the game with. And everything they'll ever earn. And that their children will earn.
- The goal for The Unifier is to be "Teh Awesome." And he is, he is!
- In each round, The Unifier says something that's shockingly disempowering to the Progressives
- A skilled Unifier knows to hide the shockingly disempowering moment in the middle of an otherwise perfectly accceptable, or even admirable speech
- If a Progressive spots the shockingly disempowering comment — and dares to face the onslaught from the OFB — s/he presses the Challenge Buzzer and explains the problems with the statement
- The OFB besieges the Progressives. Every verbal tool is allowable, except logic.
- According to the mainstream media, the game always ends in defeat for the Progressives. The losers must wait four years or more for Progress, during which the GOP cackles maniacally.
- As a consolation prize, The Uniter offers Progressives "hope," which is practically as good as Progress, isn't it?
- At an undetermined date, the ponies arrive!
Here's an example of game play...
1. The Unifier kicks things off with a statement, such as:
Children are the future! Cotton candy is fun! Liberal heathens must stop hassling the GOP. Everyone's getting a pony!
2. The Progressives either concede the game immediately, or a team member presses the Challenge Buzzer and says something like:
"But the GOP and Religious Right are destroying our country!"
3. The Obama Fan Base encircles the Progressives and shouts rebuttals, such as:
- He said "Children are the future!" Isn't that the greatest thing you ever heard?
- When he said "liberal heathens," he meant, um, something really good. Definitely. And the way he said it was inspirational!
- Why must you hate Obama!? Why do you love Hillary so much!? If Hillary is nominated, we won't vote, you Unity destroyer!
- Don't you know that a black man can't be elected unless he throws progressives under the bus?
- You dirty hippies had your turn, and you ruined everything. Now it's our turn, and God as my witness, the mellow will never be harshed again!
- Ponies, dude. Ponies! Get with the program!