If you have "no place to go," come here!

Vote. No!!

ddjango's picture

It's Friday night. You're tired and don't want to cook.

Some friends had invited you over for dinner. But they're pretty weird, you think, and you don't recognize what they say they're having. You declined.

You decide to go out to eat. You go downtown to a block that used to have twenty restaurants, but nineteen are boarded up. The line to get into the only one still open is endless.

You wait patiently in line for two hours and finally get seated. The waiter brings you the menu - a post-it note with only two items: fresh shit on a shingle and leftover shit on a shingle.

There's only one waitron and the place is mobbed. The little bot finally comes back after an hour. You ask, "Anything besides shit on a shingle?" It says, "Let. Me. Ask. Cook." and whirs off. Comes back in an hour. "We. Had. More. Choices. Too. Expensive. You. Want. Fresh. Or. Leftover?"

With a sigh, you order fresh shit on a single. Another hour later, Tron squeaks up with a six-inch-round styrofoam saucer holding a small scoop of a rancid, stinky, lukewarm, lumpy brown substance. And your check. $120. Mandatory 20% gratuity tacked on. Tron intones, "Out. Of. Fresh. This. Leftover. Bon. Appetit." It's now 3 am.

Well, you've hung in there so far, so what's another bad meal? You stuff a couple of napkins in your nostrils, fire up the ole' iPod, and gag it down (literally).

Walking home, your breathing becomes labored, your limbs become rigid, and you begin to hallucinate. Darth Nadir at a presidential podium flanked by Veep Smackdown adVentura and AG Paris Hilton.

The last thought before you lapse into a coma is, "Maybe carrot souffle, grilled fava beans, and brown rice pudding with my friends wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe they'll invite me in early November".

No votes yet


Submitted by hipparchia on

they're pretty tasty. carrot souffle isn't bad either, if it's done right.

i'm not sure, but i think both ralph nader and cynthia mckinney are going to be to my ballot in november. carrots? favas? favas? carrots?

if the dems change their healthcare plank to adopt hr676 now! i may vote for them after all.

a little night musing's picture
Submitted by a little night ... on


if the dems change their healthcare plank to adopt hr676 now! i may vote for them after all.

Dang! yeah, I guess that one just might make me change my mind. After I was starting to find some peace with my decision.

Oh well. I'll jump off that bridge when and if we get to it.

Submitted by hipparchia on

sorry, i didn't mean to disturb the peace [not right at the moment anyway :)].

i'm not expecting them to actually do anything so radical as to actually care about any of my issues, but i'm willing to give them until 6pm nov to change their minds.

meanwhile, i've been replying to every one of their emails they send me with adopt hr 676 now!. probably all goes unread into spam folders, but it's kind of like popping bubblewrap, something for my fingers to do while my brain thinks up more useful things to do.

ddjango's picture
Submitted by ddjango on

I actually love fava beans, especially with a good Chianti and broiled liver.

The next step will be no food, rather than the same food.

Happy Unity Weekend! Please remember, no illegal drugs, laser pointers (!!??), or weapons on the waterfront.

Submitted by lambert on

You're from Philly, ddjango? Write about Philly, anything -- leaving Philly was like having my heart ripped out.

[ ] Very tepidly voting for Obama [ ] ?????. [ ] Any mullah-sucking billionaire-teabagging torture-loving pus-encrusted spawn of Cthulhu, bless his (R) heart.