Turning Scientists Into Cops
I once knew a scientist who was made into a cop
"I didn't want to do it, but this nonsense must be stopped"
And so he wore a helmet and began his thankless job
Pulling over theories that were put forth by the mobs
"I'd rather be pursuing knowledge in the class
Than wasting all my time on such quantities of gas"
But off he drove across the land, looking for the frauds
Who were also driving off to school and academic quads
And so it came to pass he pulled over an offender
Who drove his points most sloppily and had dings along his fender
"Do you have a license to drive the way you do?
Do you put hands upon the wheel when you practice your voodoo?"
The offender merely smiled and pulled out for all to see
A crumpled wad of paper that he said was his ID
Upon the paper aught was written, as blank as cloudless sky
"What is this?" asked the scientist: "It's my proof" was the reply
"So you have a theory that is nothing but a thought
An unseen hand manipulates and that's all the proof you've got
But now you want to introduce this idea into schools
Do you think that science is a medium for fallacies and fools?"
"Now see here, Officer Scientist, I have much more than that
I have the Human Eye which was divinely spat
And there's the proof that what I say must be taught in schools
That everything that can't be measured must be really cool
What's the harm in making teachers assert that tribal myths
Pass the muster when it comes to explaining kin and kiths?
We all came here from a factory of Intelligent Design
The proof is in the pudding and the pudding is Divine"
Jack Benny was quite famous for the turning of his head
To show during a pause or two the mirth that lay in dread
Here the scientist could have used a class from Jack
On when to be most serious, and when to make wise-cracks
For though it's true that Science can measure what it sees
It cannot measure nothingness in meters or degrees
To ask it to pretend to see that which will not appear
Is to make it a religion and that would be most queer
But the scientist just shook his head and gave back the blank ID
And said goodbye to nuttiness that wanders free in our country
"I've really got to get out more," Officer Scientist muttered to himself
"In the store of life there's some crazy shit upon the shelves"
A scientist cannot prove that which is beyond our mortal senses
And does not ask good folks in church to peek into its lenses
God and evolution are not diametrically opposed
Unless someone knows something that never has been shown