Today's Election '08 Religious Test
In Bible chapter Numbers 11, a little over a year into the Israelites' 40-year stint in the wilderness, they're starting to miss the comfort foods of home.
The Lord (who, throughout Exodus and Leviticus, has made them ritually sacrifice countless animals) responds with characteristic Goodness and Mercy:
...his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.
Yahweh vows to teach the survivors a lesson by giving them meat "until it come out at your nostrils."
And, thus, He conjures up a mountain of seabird for the people to gorge on. But then He decides, fuck it.
And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague.
And he called the name of that place Kibrothhattaavah: because there they buried the people that lusted.
So, I ask which of the remaining candidates will pledge to usher in a new era of uncomplaining Unity via this time-honored method?
With a brewing recession and the morals of our country in peril, only such a merger of religious principles and policy can show us the way!