So reports are that Der Mittster is gonna speak to the wingnut-welfare kings of the ConservativePAC and announce that they are all bastard people and should go to hell and die* and he's quitting and going home.

The bet here: he'll sing the praises of John McCain, never mention the Huckster's name, and work out a VP deal. Unite the "moderate" and "real wackaloon-but-not-Jeebusite" wings of the party, etc.

Dogs everywhere don't know why but suddenly wag their tails and smile.

*okay, that's what he'd like to say, like "where were you mean people when I was looking for some kind of electoral return on my money, dadgummit??" but he probably won't really.

Alright, maybe I should ahve been more bloggy and said fuck off. But I think "Go to Hell" is literalistly more correct. The New York Times publishes a long apologia by Noah Feldman which contains a string of lies and implicit assertions about fact which are verifiably untrue. These assertions, were a blogger or Democratic nominee for President make them would get a stern warning from teh serious people and the Village Idiots about sticking more closely to truthiness.

For example:

 Read more…

The romantics in the current Republican Party herald back to the 1980 Reagan coalition and his victory born of the “three-legged stool” of Reagan Conservatism: a strong defense, a strong economy and strong social values.

Now, over two decades later, the incongruity among those three ideals haunts the Republican presidential nomination process. As the plethora of Republican candidates stake their claims, the dissatisfaction of the Republican electorate over their choices reflects the fact that it is impossible to obtain all three of the Reagan goals simultaneously.   Read more…

DEAR MISTER ROMNEY, I really appreciate your steadfast commitment to your faith. I've heard people choose these types of ideologies because it grounds a person in morality and integrity and human values. And of course I can admire that. With all the hate- and fear-mongering filling the public square today, I welcome men of your caliber.

I only have a small question. Given that a central tenet of Mormonism is that the Indians of the Americas are descended from the Lost Tribes of Israel, how do you reconcile your current anti-immigrant stance with the fact that Mexicans are descended, too, from these same people? How do your actions fit into the theological framework now that you are the one trying to stop them from wandering?

and furthermore—

I'm not sure what Mormons drink (Joseph Juice?), but it's potent stuff.

Mitt watched his father, George, throw the winning pass to Martin Luther King, Jr., leading the New England Patriot Sox to a World Series win. Or something like that.

Facts are stupid things.

AP:

"[ROMNEY:] But I think attacking someone's religion is really going too far. It's just not the American way, and I think people will reject that."

Romney's running on his character as a religious leader; so is Huckabee. It's their platform, for pity's sake.

So, we can't attack what they're running on?

Sez Willard (emphasis added):

"I'm paraphrasing something that's been said both by John Adams and George Washington," he said. "Which is that, in their view, for a nation like ours to be great and to thrive... that our Constitution was written for a people of faith and religion. It's a very extraordinary element and foundation for our nation. I believe that's the case."

Unsatisfied, another reporter pounced. "Do you think an atheist or non-believer or non-spiritual person can't therefore be a free person?" he asked.

"Of course not," Romney responded. "That's not what I said."

"But you said 'freedom requires religion'?"

 Read more…

Whatever entity, higher being or biological process that created human beings made a number of mistakes. Chief among them is our need for sleep.

So often we have more ideas than time. Of course, this is preferable to having too much time and no idea what to do with it. But if we just didn't have to do this "sleep thing" we could get so much more accomplished. Maybe insomnia isn't such a bad thing?

The idea of sleep elimination could be a bipartisan issue. Think of all the terrorist plots Jack Bower thwarts in only 24 hours when he doesn't sleep a wink. President Rudy or Romney could torture (or interrogate using enhanced techniques) around the clock. Imagine how safe we'd all be then!   Read more…

TechCrunch:

Governor Romney is strictly a Windows guy.

I assume he's pro-torture, then?

[Welcome, Alternate Brain readers! Welcome Wonkette readers!]

It's no secret Mitt Romney advocated doubling the size of Guantanamo's torture camp, nor that he tied his dog to the roof of his car for a twelve hour drive [until a "brown liquid" flowed down the back window--Lambert]. But he's also tight with Mel Sembler in Florida (Romney press release), and if that name, Mel Sembler, sounds familiar, it's cause he's the guy who used to run Straight, Inc., the place teens and addicts were sent for behavior modification, by torture.

(via)

Mitt Romney will always have Paris — in fact all of France.

Gaul was where his Mormon missionary work earned him a free ticket out of the Vietnam War. It was where l'homme qui voulut être roi crashed two cars, once with a fatality. It's where, in his fantasy world, marriages last only seven years. It's France, quelle surprise, that his internal PowerPoints called a "bogeyman" to exploit.   Read more…

Via the fair and balanced Ana Marie, this saccharine little vignette:

One of the Romney family's 1980s routines had been to gather in Mitt and Ann's bedroom each night to say their prayers together. Another family dog from that era, a yellow Labrador named McKenzie, would join them, putting her paws up on the bed in mock prayer, Ann told the Globe.

Hinky.

I'm telling you, the Romneys are hinky.

But what was McKenzie praying for? I think I know:

It really is a disturbing trend.

I mean, strap your dog on top of your car? Sure, Seanus is in a carrier, but Jeebus, even so. Whoever heard of such a thing?

But did I call my shot about Romney being "hinky", or what?

So, now can we arrest Mitt Willard Romney for impersonating a Presidential candidate? The Globe:

State Police are investigating one of Mitt Romney's top campaign aides for allegedly impersonating a trooper by calling a Wilmington company and threatening to cite the driver of a company van for erratic driving, according to two law enforcement sources familiar with the probe.

Jay Garrity, who is director of operations on Romney's presidential campaign and a constant presence at his side, became the primary target of the investigation, according to one of the sources, after authorities traced the cellphone used to make the call back to him. The investigation comes three years after Garrity, while working for Romney in the State House, was cited for having flashing lights and other police equipment in his car without proper permits.

In the phone call to the Wilmington company, which was recorded by an answering service and obtained by the Globe, a man who identifies himself as "Trooper Garrity with the Massachusetts State Police" complains about the driving of a van owned by Wayne's Drains Middlesex Sewers of Wilmington. The caller repeatedly says he is a trooper and questions when the driver will return to the office.

"I'm going to get the address of your company," the caller says during the May 13 call. "I'm going to come down to your company. I'm going to personally issue this driver a citation for both speeding, driving erratic, cutting across."

And now, the quote of the day:

"The whole thing was just hinky," said Wayne Barme, owner of the Wilmington drain and sewer cleaning company, whose wife, Dot, contacted State Police after receiving the complaint.

I'm telling you, that's not all that's hinky about the Romney campaign:

Politicourtesan Mike Allen gushes over Willard Mitt Romney's 31 PowerPoint slides. Even though he didn't actually see the presentation.

31 slides! Just imagine! And look at those shoulders!

Now that I'm on Team Mitt as a "loyal supporter," I get letters about the greatness of Our Willard's shoulders, 'n' stuff, like the ectoplasmic sheen he gives off on the teebee. Plus he's got his "entire family," presumably including the very singular OfMitt, working for him:

Dear lambert,

On Sunday, June 24, we’re kicking off “America’s Shilling Calling,” a special event for our critical end-of-quarter fundraising efforts.

Our entire family will be joining in - first, we’re hosting a BBQ at Fenway Park on Sunday night. Then on Monday, we’ll call through our rolodexes for my Dad, Governor Mitt Romney. We defied expectations during the first quarter – stunning political pundits across the country. Now, the pressure is on to have a strong second quarter showing once again.

It would be great if you could join me and our family at “America’s Calling!”

The Fenway Park BBQ is almost full, but we’ve saved some room for a couple of members of Team Mitt who want to show their support before the end of the quarter.

The Team Mitt member who takes the “;Fenway Challenge” and submits the best written response for why they should be chosen to attend the Fenway Park BBQ with me, my Dad and our entire family, will win a chance to join us Sunday, June 24. So please –

Please, please shoot me. Any alert readers out there who want to take the challenge?

AP:

"I have indicated that as governor, I am absolutely committed to my promise to maintain the status quo with regards to laws relating to abortion and choice, and so far I've been able to successfully do that," Romney says, answering a question at a May 27, 2005, news conference the day he vetoed the state's stem cell legislation.

Oh, wait.

Now that the French have elected one of their ideological soulmates, the wingers are sucking up to them. At least the, er, flexible ones, like Fred Thompson, who just oozes sincerity when he writes:

"Maybe it's time to rethink the 'boycott France' movement" over Iraq, Thompson wrote in early May. "This would be a good time to toast Monsieur Sarkozy. And if you're going to use wine for that toast, make it French wine."

Hey, if the French are really, really good, maybe we'll let them put some of our prison camps on their territory! I mean, seriously, what torturer wants to spend down-time in Bucharest when they could be in Paris instead!

That would be quite a U-turn from the bitterness tied to France's opposition to the war in Iraq, when US conservatives renamed "French fries" as "Freedom fries," branded France "Our Oldest Enemy" and recycled a line from "The Simpsons" animated comedy that mocked "cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

Of course, some remain invincibly rigid:

On This Week, George Stephanopoulos reviewed numerous Mitt Romney flip-flops and grilled him on how his religious beliefs would affect his performance as president.

I'm really glad to discover Willard Mitt Romney's full name, because "Mitt" Romney has always sounded weird to me, vaguely Germanic--mit schlag [Down, Jeff! Down Karl!], Mitt Romney--and three names always make a man seem so much more solid, don't you know...

Anyhow, via the always excellent Agonist, we get this wierd little vignette as Our Willard clumsily positions himself for 2008: