Oy, indeed! Totally NSFW.

Haas said that Gayle Haggard knew a whole lot more about what kind of kinky gay Ted activity was going on than she publicly admits to. When Haas asked about her knowledge of these things, Ted told him "yes, she's a freak too", they went to sex toy stores and even molded a dildo together (calling it "Ted Two")

Go read about the part where Haggard offers up his own daughter. This isn't healthy gaii kink, it's deep Closet-induced sickness. Ick. But also: predicatable.

I did not know HBO, Oprah, and Lewd King were giving old Ted so much love and attention. I wonder if this will help or hinder the cause of exposing the sexual hypocrisy of fundie churches everwhere; probably because it's teevee it won't impress me, at least. But the Good People at CO Independent have some fun snark to get you thru your humpday blues, if you're short on meth and a buttboi, and are finding it hard to praise Jeebus:

By Wendy Norris 1/27/09 7:18 PM
The latest sordid episode of the Rev. Ted Haggard’s sex-and-drug peccadilloes now includes allegations that New Life Church reneged on its offer to provide financial comfort to a young male parishioner who was the object of the evangelical leader’s lewd affections.

I just hope AP religion reporter Eric Gorski got some combat pay for having to report the details of Haggard’s no-hands tryst.

Gorski writes in an article picked up by the Colorado Springs Gazette an incredible story by Grant Haas, a New Life Church volunteer and ex-seminary student, of Haggard masturbating in front of him while on a trip to a popular casino west of town in 2005. It’s not stated if the excursion was church-related or a personal getaway to the craps tables by the two men.

Then 22 years old, Haas admitted to Haggard that he was expelled from the Moody Bible Institute for “struggles with homosexuality.” He further claims that Pastor Ted’s “eyes lit up and his whole attitude towards me changed.” What followed was upwards of 2,000 text messages per month from Haggard chronicling the pastor’s sexual experiences and drug use.

And that’s the tame part.

Gorski’s story, which borrows heavily from an exclusive interview of Haas by reporter Tak Landrock of Colorado Springs ABC-affiliate KRDO-TV, doesn’t provide a time frame in which the apparent non-physical sexual relationship and prolific texting took place.

In the on-air interview with Landrock, Haas tells a much more sordid tale of pornography, methamphetamine use and mutual masturbation. (Note: This video is not safe to view at work, near children or anybody with a lick of common decency.)

I want to give COI the linklove so go click the link to hear all the sordid details.

(Sorry for the redundancy of "bogus Christianists. And mad props to Dan Savage for that Santorum Improvised Informational Device.) Savage speaks:

Well, my fundie friends, did you see that letter of apology Haggard wrote to his congregation? I'd like to wrap it around a brick and shove it up all of your fat asses. ... Haggard copped to "sexual immorality" and described himself as "a deceiver and a liar." Those details made it into most of the headlines. These details didn't:

"Describing a lifelong battle against temptations that were contrary to his teachings," says the Denver Post, "[Haggard] had sought assistance 'in a variety of ways,' and while he had stretches of 'freedom,' nothing proved effective. 'There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life,' Haggard wrote." [Emphasis added.]

If you believe that Jesus Christ can change the sexual orientation of a believer, why on earth did he refuse to cure Haggard? Haggard founded a church that has 14,000 members! Thousands were brought to Christ by Haggard's preaching. Mixed in with Ted's meth-fueled gay-sex romps and hypocritical gay-bashings were, without a doubt, thousands of good works.

Did Jesus help Haggard out? No. Haggard struggled with temptation all his life. He tried to battle off his "dark" desires, but nothing proved effective. There was no cure for Haggard, no miracle. No matter how long he struggled, no matter how much faith he had, Haggard's sexual orientation remained unchanged. Nothing helped. Not prayer, not Jesus H. Christ on his cross.

Nothing.

If giving his heart to Jesus couldn't cure Haggard, what hope is there for the likes of me? If Jesus can't be bothered to work a miracle for the most powerful evangelical minister in the country, what "hope" is there for the average dyke?

None.

The ex-gay thing is over. It's dead. It was bullshit from the start, and it's bullshit now. And I will personally track down and bitch-slap the next fundie douche who sends me an e-mail explaining how Jesus can cure me.

Heh. Ted appears to have a bit of an issue. Like Foley, who authored the internet pedophile laws he broke, Ted thought it a good idea to talk about blackmail and wives and "what you did last night." I really need to see this Jesus Camp movie; thank the goddess for YouTube in the meantime.

No, make that oh, my goodness!