Want a better country?
It's simple: admit that the South won the Civil War. It just took us a while to realize it.
Southerners wanted a country ruled by inhumane authoritarians, and by gorry by jingo by gee by gosh by gum that's what they've gotten themselves.
Well, include me out. Better still, include yourself out, Southern Man, just like you wanted to in the 1860s.
Terms of the separation are simple. The Bush administration's bailiwick becomes the CSA, which retains responsibility for the Glorious Iraq War, and y'all have to pay down the $9 trillion deficit he rang up and reimburse us for the WTC he didn't protect.
Perhaps we could fine-tune the deal with a, pardon the term, yankee swap. We'll keep Al Gore and Stephen Colbert, and you get to keep Larry the Cable Guy and Ann Coulter.
Oh, and sorry for quoting Lynyrd Skynyrd in that last post.