Gustave Doré "Poor People on the London Bridge, 1872"
Also known as "Funniest Wal-Mart Christmas Party Outtakes"

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The following lyrics were inspired by JC General's patriotic story about Wal-Mart. He is the flood and I am that little house that often gets swept away.

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Nineteen Miles and Then We're Free!

(chorus)
Nineteen miles from another Wal-Mart
Nineteen miles for you and for me
Ninteteen miles, let's build another one
Nineteen miles and then we're free

Did you visit Main Street and see the shops?
You know, the little ones, the mom & pops
Ain't they the cutest things you ever saw?
Let's get rid of 'em with Shock and Awe

Corporations are gifts from God above
We all know in our hearts that God is love
What did He whisper in the Virgin's ear?
"Birth me a Wal-Mart, get me a beer!"

(chorus)
Nineteen miles from another Wal-Mart
Nineteen miles for you and for me
Ninteteen miles, let's build another one
Nineteen miles and then we're free

Get some surveyors, and get them quick
Get us demographics, they'll do the trick
Get us a vacant lot, it will be fun
Gosh darn if we didn't build another one

We are an Empire, We are the law
We are the future that nobody saw
We are the pinnacle of laissez faire
We are the answer to every prayer

(chorus)
Nineteen miles from another Wal-Mart
Nineteen miles for you and for me
Ninteteen miles, let's build another one
Nineteen miles and then we're free

Wal-Mart cares about Our employees
Out in the parking lot we planted trees
If a clerk cuts a finger and is damaged
For a discount he will get to buy a bandage

It used to be "Buy low, then sell higher"
Now it's "Pay low, see you in the choir"
We are America, how do you like it?
We sell the shovels and you dig the pit

(chorus)
Nineteen miles from another Wal-Mart
Nineteen miles for you and for me
Ninteteen miles, let's build another one
Nineteen miles and then we're free

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Author's note: This song begins with the chorus which I imagine as being sung acapella by a barbershop quartet, or worse by some French group like The Blind Boys of Alabama or Sub-French-Candian Hippy Dipthongs like CSNY. If everyone prays hard enough maybe a CD of it will appear, and you can buy it at Wal-Mart.

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Image from here.

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