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So Who Wouldn't Want To Sign Up?

Sarah's picture
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Somehow or another, I've been added to the mailing list of The American Family Association. Can't seem to get off the damned thing, either. So ... I got this "invitation" today for a "webinar". It's all Free!! FREE!!! FREE!!! Supposed to be good training, too.
Here are some of the 24 workshops that you can view:

* How conservatives can win in 2010
* How to deal with vote fraud, the Census, and ACORN
* How to lobby federal legislation & policy
* How to bring youth into the conservative movement
* How to defend traditional marriage and DOMA
* How to understand Islam
* How the media can help us take back America
* How to stop feminist and gay attacks on the military
* How to counter the homosexual movement
* How to stop the entry of illegal aliens and drugs
* How to deal with global warming, cap and trade
* How to stop the killings: pro-life solutions

Y'know, somehow, I'm sure I'm not their target demographic. I don't want conservatives to win in 2010. I think they're a plague on the country.

Vote fraud? Easy fix: elect more and better Democrats. The Census I know from the inside out -- I've worked for three decennial surveys. So any lies they'd want me to swallow would be wasted on moi. ACORN? They helped some friends of mine find affordable housing in '07.

How to lobby? Grab your Congresscritter by the ear, if you can't loom over it like LBJ, and make 'em listen. How to be effective: FUND their OPPONENTS if they don't WORK FOR YOU.

How to bring youth into the conservative movement? For what? Do I want to encourage child abuse?

How to defend traditional marriage and DOMA? Make marriage applicable to loving people, period. Screw DOMA, it's bad law.

How to understand Islam? As what, a bunch of brown-skinned terrorists? No, thanks. It's as much a religion -- and therefore as legit or not -- as your "Christianity," and what I understand about both is people use them as an excuse to bully one another, start wars, steal natural resources, and otherwise misbehave.

How the media can help us take back America? Dude, seriously? With Chuck Norris telling me my US Flag shouldn't fly unless I stain it with tea? Come on, now. That's *help*? Gah.

On the other hand, the media right now lllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrvvves them some Bill-O, Dobson, Dobbs, Limbaugh & Company. So, you know, take them; love them; go somewhere

else with them, and leave my country the fuck alone, you lunatics.

Stop feminist and gay attacks on the military? Get rid of DADT and treat women as equals instead of potential rapine. Fixed.

To counter the homosexual movement? Relax, and let people alone. They'll do you the same courtesy. Unless, of course, they're a bunch of self-righteous busybodies who aren't comfortable with their own thoughts and don't want anybody else to be either. Hmm. No, I think we've got the homosexual movement figured out: they're people and they want to be treated like people. Not so much with you guys, and so what is up with your fixation on this, anyway, hmmm? It's beyond "community standards" and way over into "prurient interest," or you'd have freaking let go of it already. Maybe you should, you know, turn away from Father Dobson and get some real psychological help. Happiness is not a sin, yo.

How to stop the entry of illegal aliens and drugs -- well, that's easy enough. There are two ways, and what was tried with the Don T. Hutto Family Detention Center was a massive FAIL, although if, as my astute SO pointed out, you wanted was not to have people miserable after they came here to try to get asylum, but too scared to try to come here at all, ICE is gangbusters. Human rights, simple civilized behavior, and the honest truth get stomped flat in the mud, but hey, that's how we roll, right America? So there's that. The other way is to enforce the laws that penalize those who use illegal aliens as slave labor (which is 90% of those who hire / traffick in the abomination that is the US labor market).

The drug wars would dry up if we'd give everybody mental, dental and physical access to health care right here in America. Free would be best.

Thrill-seekers and other self-medicators would get real help, and the illegal crap wouldn't be nearly as attractive. Prohibition doesn't work, and the drug warriors are now down to telling parents kids are stealing stuff out of each other's family medicine cabinets to get high (really? So that's, like, why there are billion-dollar drug farms in the national forests and parklands, and the border's a freakin' war zone? 'Cause the kids are getting high off Mom's prozac and Dad's back-injury-Rx painkiller? Puh-lease.) on TV 'cause we're NOT SCARED ENUFF YET.

How to deal with global warming, cap and trade -- um, shut down coal mines, drive smaller cars, have better public transit, disassemble the unwieldy and inefficient and failure-vulnerable national power grid and replace it with individual or small-group solar / hydro / wind energy sources? Do the best you can where you are with what you've got? Cheaper, cleaner, and better not just for the planet but your local economy? Yeah, that's what I thought: totally unacceptable to the conservative mindset.

* How to stop the killings: pro-life solutions -- Oh, now this'd be great. Get every church in America behind stopping the wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, the Balkans, the Horn of Africa, and South America. You could maybe even influence politics for the better, if you got behind clean water and local, sustainable ag for everybody, solar cookers and local schools and women who have the right to control their own bodies as well as how many children, how often, to bear so they can support each one and nurture them all .... instead of having them die from cholera, or typhus, or malaria, or polio, or starvation, or religious war, or politics, or some other stupid thing aimed at glorifying whatever idol the idolators choose ...

Oh, wait, that's not what you meant? Sorry. Guess I won't be signing up, then. Have a nice webinar.

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