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SLUDGE REPORT, JULY 25, 2006

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BLIND AND DEAF MERGE FOR REASONS NOT YET CLEAR
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CONSTANT THREAT OF FLAG BURNING HAS AMERICA ON EDGE
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ABU GRAHIB RIDE AT DISNEYLAND KILLS FOURTEEN
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SUCKERS NOW BORN EVERY THIRTY-SEVEN SECONDS

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CONDOLEEZA RICE VISITS ISRAEL, TELLS THEM THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT WHENEVER THEY WANT, WINKS, MAKES THE "A-OKAY SIGN," NODS HEAD RAPIDLY, PRETENDS TO BE HOLDING A MACHINE GUN WHILE FIRING IT, MAKES BOMB EXPLODING SOUNDS, PRETENDS TO CRUSH BABY, CHORTLES WHEN THEY FINALLY GET HER DRIFT
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JESUS THE CHRIST READIES FOR FINAL LEG OF THREE THOUSAND LIGHT-YEAR JOURNEY OUT OF OUTER RING OF MILKY WAY: "PSYCHED" DEITY ON HIS OWN AT THIS POINT
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NEW DEATH SQUAD UNIFORM CONTROVERSY
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CASUAL DRUG USE FRIDAYS CATCHING ON
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AT&T DOES WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WANTS
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EXPERTS AGREE: NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO BE HOMELESS AND ON MOOD-ALTERING MEDICATIONS
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"BLOG SNARK" KEEPS MENTALLY DISADVANTAGED AT BAY
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BARELY DIGESTED HOT DOGS REPLACE INTERNAL ORGANS WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING, COSTCO SCIENTISTS WARN
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ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S MILLION DOLLAR BLOW JOB BOOTH ROCKS!
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END-TIMERS SET WATCHES BUT THEN ASK WHY BOTHER SETTING THEIR WATCHES AND ARE NOT SURE OF ANSWER SO THEY JUST GO HOME UNTIL THEY FIGURE IT OUT
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TIGER WOODS TO DONATE ENGLAND TO FRANCE
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ELVES KIDNAP TWO ISRAELI SOLDIERS, ISRAEL RETALIATES BY BOMBING NORTH POLE: WAR ON CHRISTMAS REALLY GODDAMN EARLY THIS YEAR
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LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST TURNS SELF INTO A "MANWICH"
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MIDDLE EASTERN REAL ESTATE AGENTS SAY NOW IS THE TIME TO BUY, OR DIE, TRANSLATION GARBLED
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LOCAL HOBBYIST COLLECTS SOUVENIER STANDS
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