Resolution From Shadow Treasury Secretary danps
Whereas tomorrow afternoon at the close of trading has already been recognized as an outstanding opportunity to put certain troubled banks out of their misery, and
Whereas even the prodigal beneficiaries of taxpayer largesse are no longer bothering to hide the true state of their insolvency, and
Whereas the government has now had several months worth of stress testing in which to presumably arrive at the same conclusion, and
Whereas it would be a novel change of pace for the president to use his Friday afternoon news dump for some purpose other than the national soul-corroding practice of embracing his predecessor's disdain for civil liberties and human rights, and
Whereas we are about to enter a three day holiday weekend with warm and pleasant forecasts for much of the country, giving affected parties plenty of opportunities to get outside, relax and soothe their shattered nerves,
Therefore be it resolved that tomorrow is officially declared National Nationalize Day. All undead financial institutions are to be scrubbed with whole cloves of garlic, bathed in holy water, exposed to sunlight and shot through the heart with stakes made of pure silver. Remains shall be incinerated, placed in an urn and interred at a location to be determined. Suggestions are welcomed.
Thank you, and have a pleasant weekend.