If you have "no place to go," come here!

Next Evacuation to Feature Criminal Checks Before Getting On The Bus

I am not making this up, nor is it from the Onion. This is from today's* Thursday's Houston Chronicle. Thoughtful of them to run this just days before Christmas don't ya think, when everybody is attending so closely to the news?

Texans seeking to escape the next hurricane or state emergency by evacuation bus will first be submitted to criminal background checks, the state's emergency management director says.

Does this sound, um, what to pick first, a tad complicated logistically speaking? Why, that's why the lucrative contracts plans are being put in place now! And look who's got the first thumb in the pie:

Earlier this month, it was announced AT&T Inc. has contracted with the Texas Governor's Division of Emergency Management to provide electronic wristbands for those residents wanting them, before they board an evacuation bus.

I'm not going to quote a lot more as I'd rather people go read the entire story. Read also the comments at the bottom. I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to tell you that some people are expressing skepticism about the wisdom, practicality, and even underlying motivation of Our Benevolent (Um Remember This Is Texas BTW) Government in demanding criminal background checks in an emergency-evacuation environment.

My favorite, of the ones on the front page now, shows where some people's heads are at in this scenario:

This is a great idea. Who do you want left behind when you evacuating a city, leaving all you worldly possession lock in your house? Criminals of course. I mean we can trust them to act responsibly after everyone, including the police, have left the city. Are we great common sense folk here in Texas or what?

Then there are, tsk tsk, some of those damn conspiracy theorists too, who just say the most outlandish things. This is an interchange between two commenters, edited slightly for clarity:

bansidh wrote:
Hey, I have an idea. Why not just tattoo numbers on our arms. Yeah that would work and IBM could keep track of which numbers match which names, and oh yeah , how about yellow armbands for those who we don't like.

Dazey wrote:
Hey bansidh - I agree with you. It would be so much simpler, wouldn't it? I'll bet they'll include "religion", too. Woe be to all Muslims.. we'll all be taken to bus X I guess. That one may head straight to Guantanamo.

What a bunch of morons. Who comes up with this stuff?

This kind of reminds me of the 2000 sElection.
12/20/2007 1:17 AM CST

With all due respect to readers/commenters at the Houston Chronicle, they are obviously complete n00bs at the conspiracy-theorism game. A pro would instantly think of a "OMG DIRTY BOMB EXPLODED DOWNTOWN!!||! EVERYBODY TO GET FROM STREET!!" sort of announcement, so that people of means leap into their SUVs and flee, the poor report to the bus evacuation centers and are Processed as noted above, and anybody staying behind is presumed to be of the Criminal Element and the town declared a free-fire zone for Blackwater troop training.

Hell, it's not even without precedent. Google "Civil War", Missouri, General Order 11. Tom would know about this one.

**Upon rereading this story apparently first ran two days ago. This being the first I've heard of it I count it as new news anyway.

No votes yet


vastleft's picture
Submitted by vastleft on

People who can't pass criminal checks may be refused emergency services, but they'll still be able to buy firearms, won't they?

Submitted by [Please enter a... (not verified) on

as I do not see any mention of this particular subject in the article. Nor of whether the passed-and-wristbanded Better Sort of Evacuees will be permitted to take their firearms on board the busses with them.

As these are people being evacuated from Texas I can't see a problem with anybody being allowed to take the sacred objects of the 1st Church of the 2nd Amendment with them. If it were Katrina II and they were incoming refugees this might be dealt with differently.

Or not. This is Texas so I don't claim to understand anything that goes on there.

Oh, meant to add above: hat tip to D2 at the House of Gray for the original mention of the story.

Submitted by lambert on

does that mean he won't pass?

NOTE No, silly, not that kind of evacuation!

We. Are. Going. To. Die. We must restore hope in the world. We must bring forth a new way of living that can sustain the world. Or else it is not just us who will die but everyone. What have we got to lose? Go forth and Fight!—Xan