So yesterday, I committed the Worst Crime Possible in my moral universe. I lied to someone I love. I’m so eaten up by it I can hardly stand it, even though I’ve confessed and begged forgiveness already. We’ll see if I get it. But anyway, it’s got me thinking: Edwards is right about “two Americas,” but he’s wrong about the nature of that difference. It’s not wealth, power or ideology separating us, it’s a simple matter of decency. We are mostly decent people here in the librul blogosphere, and when we fight, it has to do with a matter of degree, most of the time. We want our leaders and politicians and fellow travelers to be “this much” progressive or we want them to be “even more so.” We get huffy and call each other names, but at the end of the day we can for the most part agree to disagree, sing kumbaya, and have a beer together. The reason we can be this way is because we’re not Big Fakers. Fakery, falsehood, lies: just not acceptable in most of our circles, and I’m coming to understand that the real problem in the Village is that it’s fucking SOP for them, 24/7. Indeed, they have awards and money flows in great quantity to the ones who are the best Liars. The saddest thing to me is that these morally crippled cumsucking parasites have managed to infect American culture with their ’values.’ I see it more and more, and esp in the young: Lying is becoming not just “ok,” but expected, lauded and preferred. This is a Very Bad thing and we need to do more to stop/correct this trend.
There’s that saying, and gawddayum I know it to be true today: Don’t lie to yourself. Some even add, “lie to anyone else, just not yourself,” and I understand that perspective even as I can’t quite agree. But the motivation is of course that truth and reality don’t “go away” just because one chooses not to perceive/embrace/deal with them. Isn’t that really what our whole beef with Bush Republicans is? La La La, they can’t hear us, they can’t hear anyone, because all they can hear is the lies they tell each other. And look where that’s taken us all…obviously, crisis after crisis, disaster after disaster, failure after failure. The 28% may be able to pretend, but even some Republicans are starting to admit: a government built on lies can’t govern, and worse, it can really fuck things up for everyone.
Anyway, I suppose it’s trite and dull as an insight, and it’s mostly what we’ve been doing these last few years in the blogosphere, but today I’m recommitting to Truth. Truth is the shining sword in our battle against the darkness, it is the Bane of Evil and the foundation of all that is Good. I encourage everyone: tell the Truth today. Do so in front of people who don’t want to, or don’t often, hear it. Do so proudly, and be unafraid of the consequences. Take it from me, as I wallow in a suicidal sort of bitter self hatred, it’s the better way. Dear Goddess, do I know this now.
…dearest, I am So Sorry. Please forgive me. I will try harder to be worthy of your concern and effort.
Front page
Agreed. Truth is what matters.
Love your post.
If it makes you feel any better, to lie to oneself to reduce cognitive dissonance has been shown to be a fundamental self-preservation drive in humans.
Yet we have the power and responsibility, as you say, to minimize it.
You would LOVE the following scholarly yet VERY entertaining book, which looks at this in both the personal and political arenas, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts.
For example, it discusses how Americans deluded themselves that we really DID find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, how cult followers keep believing in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, how monstrous people rationalize and still see themselves as good.
We tend to lie to ourselves all the time because we must at nearly any cost feel good about ourselves. We must always catch ourselves before doing this.
Explains a LOT about this world… and this election.
We always need to rededicate to Truth
Every single day, “One Day at a Time” style.
Truth is not convenient, it isn’t flattering, it isn’t always helpful. Truth is actually a bitch. But Truth can set you Free. With Truth, you never have to worry that you will be exposed. You never have to be worried you will be caught naked. You never need to apologize for Truth. It is what it is. With Truth, other peoples lies have no power. Without Truth, the loudest lie, or most convenient lie can win. But a lie can never win against Truth. A lie can drown out Truth, but no lie can ever completely win because there is always another lie to take it’s place.
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Good night and good riddance!
Wonderful Post, CD
One of your virtual qualities that attracted me to your persona, CD, when I first noticed you as a commentator, at Eschaton I think, was your writing style; not to worry, I don’t mean style over substance, style without substance ain’t style in my world.
But your time off from here, working in the garden, work I view as heroic in a world I view as epic, has deepened both your insights and the way you express them.
Just promise you will not disappear into the garden, and may all the Goddesses bless you for gifting us with yourself, as often as possible.
I would only add my own insistence that truth and the telling of same be thought of not as entities, but as processes; I think that is also what separates we liberal/progressives from the Bush 28%, although that tendency to conceive of truth as a Manichean object one possesses rather than as a dynamic, self-motivated, self-critical struggle to understand is certainly shared by more Americans than that.
As I said...
… some time ago: “Honesty is not the best policy. But it’s my policy.”
All told, I’ve found that being honest is a very, very expensive proposition, but sleeping at night makes it kinda worth it.
Only the goddess
is capable of infinite perfect honesty.
Poking around a bit here and here, I get the sense that, in a world of absolutes — black and white, positive and negative, virtue and vice — honesty for humans is somewhere in between and more complex. So complex that I bet a real pissing contest about it could be had — hey, even in my own head between me, myself and I. ;-)
It also is helpful too for me to be aware that honesty is simply one of several virtues worthy of attention.
Lastly, while I value honesty, I also value the tool of the capacity to lie, just in case something scary this way lies.
That stated, I liked best about this morning what herb the verb reminds us: Every single day, “One Day at a Time” style.
CD, it’s good to feel remorse and acknowledge your mistakes. But you are not a mistake. Your Perfect Goddess knows that. Everything you are is from Her. No Thing exists without Her, ALL the dark & light. I wish we could spend the day together, digging in the garden and cherishing worms.
Thanks for your post, gadzooks it left me thinking about stuff.
Ta! I have to zip.
Nod to the Garden Goddess
truth is in the gardens tended
soil tilled and seeds suspended
the rain, the sun, they never lie
and what thence grows who would deny?
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on the power of lies: herb the verb, mjs, everyone
you’re all so kind. thank you for that. i’m going to truthfully tell you: when i think it’s a good and useful deed, i will lie, and be a complete and proud hypocrite doing so.
i don’t think parents should lie to their children. i was really hurt to realize that santa’s handwriting was really my dad’s. i don’t think lovers should lie to each other; as a lesbian i can tell you expressly how much it hurts to realize that she’s only with you until Mr. Right comes along. i don’t think you should lie at work, even if your boss is evil- mainly because it will always come back to bite you on the ass and being unemployed sucks.
however:
you prolly know that i think we’re all in the Fight of Our Lives, politically. not just which dem, not even which administration, or ’more and better democrats.’ this fight is for the Whole Ball of Wax, imo. billions of lives are at stake, and we’re so much closer to losing it All than many of us want to admit. so, if there is no other way, if the benefit is so real, so powerful, if it saves innocent lives and gets us closer to our goal, yes. i will lie.
i also recognize that in politics, the media, and The Game, lies are almost a form of truth. that is, when everyone knows everyone is lying, and the power comes from the degree and elegance of that act, hell yes! lie like a rug.
this post is much more about the beloved in your life. if you love someone, as i love this person, never, ever lie to them. just hang up the phone, turn off Skype, walk away…but don’t lie. lucky for me, no american politician has earned my love. so fuck em. but you all, my family, queer family, lovers and friends? no, i am not going to make this mistake again if i can help it. and i am going to try.
thanks for the pretty pics, mjs. i miss you.
Excellent Advice, cd
Not lying is often quite difficult, especially with people you love, because that one little lie can seem such an easy way out. An easy way to avoid, an easy way to get past something. But, it never works. Because you know you’ve lied and, if you’re a decent person as I hope most of us are, the damage is already done. You just don’t realize it until later. Sometimes it’s moments later, if you’re lucky, sometimes years.
The only thing harder than not lying is admitting you lied. Because all the reasons for the lie are still there only now there’s the added pain of admitting your own fallibility.
So, while I know you’re feeling bad, know you had enough respect for yourself and your love to do the right thing in the end. And, as you’ve already done, try to do better next time.
Just also realize that your human and to be human is to fail. Over and over again. Just hopefully not in the same way. We can learn if we want to and I believe that is what separates the good from the bad or rather those who are worth the effort to have and keep in our lives and those who aren’t - the willingness to learn and to strive to be better.
Although I have to say, it sucks to be a grown up. Especially when so many around you are not.
Okay, for some reason
I’ve always felt antagonistic towards you, CD, and I’m sorry about that. I don’t actually know why, but I always feel like I have to refute whatever it is that you’re saying.
And I was reading your post and thinking why am I reading this?
And then there was one line in your comment that totally broke me, cut all my strings, triggered really bad memories, I slumped in my seat on the train and stared into nothing.
I got off the train and had some dinner and did some things, and I still don’t know what to do with it.
cenobite: wow, thank you so much for sharing and your honesty
you probably feel that way about me because i’m an arrogant bitch, a drunk, and because i have a incessantly pedantic and condescending tone when i write and speak. so go ahead and refute me whenever you’re moved to do so; you’ve probably also noticed i live for struggle, conflict and challenge, i can hack it.
do you want to say more about what line triggered your slump? of course now i’m very curious. it’s ok if not, but fwiw, i’m sorry if i harshed your mellow, and i encourage you to ask yourself why the bad memories can make you feel that way still. myself, i’ve got a million of em, and i know how sad and sick they make me if i let recollection and sober reflection turn into other, not so healthy things.
thanks for reading. seriously, i appreciate people who disagree with me more than i can say; you all keep me sharp, and my Game tight. corrente wouldn’t be so great without people like you.
Well, one day at a time I suppose.
Are really, really big lies told to people we don’t care about less a lie because we perceive the consequences of telling (or living) the Truth too terrible a price to not lie? How do we know that? How can we be sure that the Truth wouldn’t ultimately be just as powerful? Do we have so little faith in other’s judgement that we say to ourselves (like Jack Nicholson) “You can’t handle the Truth!!!”. Who are we to judge that? Why is that something that we should feel we have the superior judgement to distinquish but others do not?
[mixed metaphor]
It is a slippery slope “once we practice to deceive”.[/mixed metaphor]
We need to always strive, always.
But, then, I love to play up Santa, (but that is imagination play, I (dadda) am not a pirate and Momma isn’t a mermaid cast up from the sea either!).
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Good night and good riddance!
edited for improvement!