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"Los Angeles On High Alert As LAPD Back On Regular Duty"

As usual, The Onion is pitch perfect:

Los Angeles residents are reportedly on edge today following reports that hundreds of armed and extremely dangerous Los Angeles Police Department officers are resuming regular patrolling duties after the conclusion of Tuesday’s manhunt for rogue ex-cop Christopher Dorner. “I mean, just knowing they’re out there is terrifying—how can I feel safe when these maniacs are on the loose in my neighborhood?” said a visibly rattled Ashley Stillson, 38, who explained that she strictly observed the city’s advisory to avoid the historically violent, unpredictable predators by going out in groups and avoiding the streets entirely after nightfall.

I saw the story where they shot down the two ladies delivering newspapers, but I missed the one where they stitched up the surfer dude's car.