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Is this a method for...
doctor-assisted suicide? Wait, that's completely voluntary and painless; this is the opposite.
I want one only so that I can drench it in fake blood and add
the numbers of people who will die until it takes effect, and then the numbers of people who will die AND go bankrupt when it takes effect!!!
The parenthetical to that slogan is
(But you probably can't see me because I'm the one who can't walk on water...and the "life preserver" he threw me sank straight to the bottom...glug)