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Halloween GOP Style

MJS's picture

Come with me to the pumpkin patch
And see what is most scary!
The GOP turns ghouls to glee
And bites off the heads of fairies!

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The moon is waning in the sky
The leaves, they skitter in the dark
The wind molests you in the night
The trees all bleed from in their bark

What monsters will thee yet encounter
What demons foul will rake your skin?
Potions, witches, wolves of Satan
Pocky flesh, wages of sin

Run you must! To safety fly!
Gain the porch and turn the key!
Rush inside and lock the door!
The hounds of hell have broken free!

Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!

Nail the boards across the windows
Dim the lights and catch your breath
Pray the Lord to make you safe now
Save you from the hateful Death!

Ah, that's better, things are normal
Rest you well, your fears unfounded
Laugh and gain composure's harbor
Have a drink, perhaps get pounded

Find a spot upon your couch
Wave your remote just like a wand
Conjure up some infotainment
Just be aware you might be conned

Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!

Oh my God! The Gays are coming!
That guy on FOX said it is true
With cunning knives and color swatches
They're coming after me and you!

Oh, my God! They've kidnapped Marriage!
The Sacred now is made profane!
The Bride and Groom must run for cover
The Gays ride brooms filled with propane

Beware, your vows now wholly threatened
Your pledge to duty, love all stained
Hie thee unto Satan's Love Shack
The doom of Man is on the way!

Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!

Did the curtains billow thusly?
Are there voices in the yard?
Such wisps of worry are but trifles
Come watch the FOX, who works so hard!

Oh, my God! Creeping Socialism!
It's crawling up your very street!
Healthcare for our nation's children?
The flames of Satan burn our feet!

Oh, my God! On the horizon:
The Middle East destroys the calm
We must attack! We must destroy them!
Fuel up the jets, let fly the bombs!

Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!

The whites aren't making enough babies
Brown hordes invade us from the south
Stem Cells melt as little snowflakes
That Demoncrats toss in their mouths!

The Constitution must be gutted
It could rise and kill us all!
Beware the People, they will get us
For, like Adam, we must Fall

God must once again rule mankind
Not the Jew one, and not Allah
Let Jesus slaughter all who tremble
And so and so, and blah, blah, blah

Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!

The GOP has lost its mask
Grins from its skull beneath the earth
Full of dirt and grit and insects
It's waiting for its Second Birth

For just like Jesus, who was risen
The GOP, though dead, will fly
And cast its shadow on the prison
It has made for you and I

Take comfort on this Halloween
And tuck your worries into bed
Everything is out to get you
And will not stop until you're dead

Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!

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Author's Note: please don't share this ghastly tale with any of the GOP candidates. It might give them even more fiendish ideas.

Image from El Laberinto del Fauno...or, in english, Pan's Labyrinth, a film I heartily recommend.

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UPDATE Welcome, C&L readers. The candy is over behind the wet bar... --Lambert.

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Comments

MJS's picture
Submitted by MJS on

And thanks be to Steve Audio for the C&L link.

I had tons of Halloween fun as a kid (in Huntington Beach, Ca) which seems like a long time ago now. Imagine my surprise to see the most frightening tenets of this great American tradition have been perfected, not by those nutty liberals, but by the most conservative groups among us. Whoda thunk et.

You're gonna burn in hell!

Yeah? Not until after I TP your house!

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shystee's picture
Submitted by shystee on

The fog is now descending on San Francisco just to make things extra creepy...

But Goopers are few and far between in this town so I don't have to worry about getting chased by Eyeball-Hands...

- VS

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