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Guest Post/Skypixie0: 'A Middle-Class American Boy Makes Good!'

The following was posted on open salon by skypixie0. The link is here.

THE GOOD MIDDLE-CLASS SON

“Hi Mom, I graduated High School today.”

“That’s great son. I’m proud of you.”

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“Hi Mom, I graduated University today.”

“Wonderful, my boy! You’ve done well indeed.”

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“Hi Mom, I’ve been hired by XYZ company (a major corp.)

“Oh my, you can really go far with a company like that!”

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“Hi Mom, I got promoted to Area Manager. I’ll be making $80,000 a year now.”

“Wow! You’re really doing well son. That’s terrific! How did you get a big promotion like that?”

“Oh I found a loophole in the tax laws that will save the company millions of dollars in taxes every year.”

No mention is made of the fact that when XYZ Corp escapes those taxes, the citizens have to make up the shortfall.

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“Hi Mom, I got promoted to Regional Manager today. I’ll be making $150,000 a year now. Let me buy you and Dad a nice little condo in Florida so you can get away from here in the winter.”

“Why that’s wonderful, my dear son. The winters here are very cold and your father and I would love to have a winter place in Florida.” I’m so very proud of how well you’re doing, but tell me, how did you get such a big promotion?”

“Oh, I found a way to make our products so that they’ll wear out sooner and we can sell more of them when they wear out early.”

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“Hi Mom, I got promoted to upper management today. I get $250,000 a year now.”

“Gracious me! How did you manage that?”

“One of the people under me found out how to avoid even more taxes so I took his idea to upper management and they liked it so much that they promoted me to their level.”

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“Hi Mom, I got promoted to Vice-President of the company today.”

“It’s so good to see you doing so well. America really is the land of opportunity, isn’t it? What did you do to earn that position?”

“One of my junior managers found out that the company can make billions of dollars more money than ever if we close down operations here in the USA, open a factory in China so we don’t have to pay American wages but only need to pay one tenth that to Chinese workers.”

“But what about all the Americans who will lose their jobs, if you do that?”

“Not for me to worry about. My job is to make money for the company’s share holders.”

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“Hi Mom, I got promoted to Executive Vice President today. I’ll be making $500,000 a year plus a performance bonus of $1,000,000 a year.”

“Oh gosh! However did you get that?”

“One of my people found a way to bribe a few politicians to cut the power of unions so we can pay people half what we pay them now.”

“But how will those workers get by on half wages?”

“That’s up to them to figure out. This is business. Survival of the fittest.”

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“Hi Mom, I am now the President and CEO of the company! I get $5,000,000 a year plus shares, plus an $8,000,000 bonus!”

“I’m so proud of your terrific success, my son. But tell me, how did you come to be the top man of XYZ Corp.?”

“One of my senior managers developed a way we could introduce automation and reduce our labour force by 90%. We’ll save billions of dollars on labour.”

“But who will you sell your products to? If so many people are out of work and have no income, won’t they be unable to buy your company’s products?”

“Not my problem, Mom. All I have to worry about is showing a healthy profit for this quarter. That will make the shareholders happy enough so that I can give myself a really huge bonus. Besides, that’s how things are done in every company these days”

“Oh my son. Are you sure that you’re doing the right thing? All those good, decent paying, jobs being lost must surely hurt our great nation’s middle class a lot.”

“Good! If enough of them lose their jobs and drop out of the middle-class, then we can hire those who will work for peanuts and make even more money. And let’s not forget that, for some unknown reason, our economy isn’t doing well – probably because there are too many people drawing free government money – so it’ll help our bottom line in the end.”

“Y’know son, we’re middle class. So are you. It seems odd for a middle-class person to have so little use for the middle class.”

“Mom, I’m not middle class any more. I’m upper class now. The only people above me are the elite and they just want their shares to keep on paying fat dividends. They don’t ask how I get the job done; they just want it done.” Heck, a lot of them think everyone is happy with the situation. They don’t feel a recession or depression and would be amazed that so many people are suffering. But it’s not their job to worry about that, their job is to live well on their inherited corporate shares.”

“So it’s actually you, and other CEOs like you - and not the elite - who are screwing the middle class?”

“It’s nothing personal, Mom. It’s just business. That’s how capitalism works.”

“Son, I wonder if you really have that right. From the looks of our economy, that’s how capitalism doesn’t work, more than how it does!” Y’know son, I never knew that middle class people, such as you were, were really the ones who did the things that hurt the middle class so much. Are your sure you’re doing the right thing?”

“Who cares about ‘right’ Mom? I’m rich. That’s all that matters. I’ve fulfilled the American dream!”

“Yes son, I guess you have. I never knew that it would cost so much to so many for a middle class person to do that. I’ve always thought that it was the elite who were making the decisions that hurt the middle class, I never expected it to be members of the middle class itself who achieve success by running corporations in such a way as to do all this damage.”

“Gotta go Mom. Business, y’know.”

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jo6pac's picture
Submitted by jo6pac on

as former member of the middle class and a boomer take full responsibility for the mess here in Amerika;)

Love the satire.