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Friday Night Sex Blogging

chicago dyke's picture

So my gf du jour won't be by until Sunday, and I'm stuck with a Working Friday Night anyway, due to...well, that doesn't matter. But I was reading one of Corrente's fabulous blogroll links, and the author was talking about the perils of dating online as an older woman. I guess that's me too, now! I'm a bit of an, um, well, [fill in your grandmother's favorite naughty word for bad grrls here]. Just out of silliness and curiosity, what dating sites do you use, and why?

Gay websites I frequent have regular amusing and almost-Serious posts about how online dating has changed the Gay Scene. And it has! As I said to a friend recently, "Bars are for dancing and drinking now, it's great!" The pick-up pressure really is off, for the most part. I don't know if it's the same at straight bars, but from what I can tell of the popularity of all the newest SN technologies, I can't believe at least some aspects aren't different today.

What fascinates me in particular is the way in which the experience is different by gender. Not (just) orientation, but gender. It's almost like the same dating site exists to serve two different worlds: one for male-identifying folk, and one for wimmin, who survey each other's worlds (or their own) with a totally different "gaze." Sometimes, that completely works, and sometimes, it leads to grumbling, "X never comes here and a Y like me will never have a chance" or "Gosh there are too many options to choose from" and other extremes. It seems to me the whole landscape of "dating" (does that word even work anymore? do the Kidz have another?) is utterly changed as a result.

My favorite OD story: so this bitch broke up with me, after cheating on me (not that I cared about that) and lying to me (that really made me mad). I went online, put up an ad that said, "I need to Get Some, Tonight. Who's ready" and I had something like 150 responses in 2 hours. I laughed and laughed at all the different answers, eventually choosing a totally anal (heh) accountant from the fray. And was satisfied! I've also made lifelong friends via the net, including a trans/bi/transition person who is now a member of my Family, despite our lack of common blood, and some really, really scary one night stand folk who taught me that even I don't know every kink that is out there. I'm not much for the LTR type thing, but I'd love to hear your success/failure/heartbreak/ stories, which have led to any kind of "relationship." Love Hurts, but it's still free, yo. Also: people who don't use online services to meet people, tell me how online dating has changed your scene, if at all.

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Aeryl's picture
Submitted by Aeryl on

To have had the same partner for 12 years now. So dating isn't really an issue for me, but I have admit, I am intrigued by this cuz, HONESTY TIME for the um, timid minded, my partner and I are interested in being open, but how do you find people?!? Our social circle isn't what it used to be, and our ability to go out and mingle is limited by time, kid, and funds.

I know the internet is a wondrous place that makes all this possible, my bestest friend and roommate found a wonderful guy on gay social network site that caters to his particular taste. I know it's possible, but I have this deep seated desire to remain somewhat anonymous online, and refuse to just throw myself out on say, craigslist.

Quite the conundrum, huh? This isn't the type of thing you just ask Google, ya know?

chicago dyke's picture
Submitted by chicago dyke on

i've been using the interwebs for sex, dating, friendship, politics, and shopping for years. i bet you have too. it's not so different, on "dating" sites. you put up a profile, you say what you want potentials to read and like, and if they do, they respond. so simple!

when i was first coming out for good, i had an encounter with a married straight couple. they were soooo wonderful, both of them. i was still trying to kick the penis habit, and the woman was clearly a lesbian, but her husband loved her very much and vice versa. oh, how i wanted to be part of that, back then. because of the sympatico we all had; it's hard to explain. i just adored her body, and i was so impressed that a straight man could love his wife so much he'd bring in a woman to do what he couldn't for her. i could go on and on about that relationship; three ways are fun, yo!

anyway, what i'm saying is: don't be shy! it really, really, really, doesn't matter "what you look like" how much money you make where you live etc. there's someone with the very desires you (and your partner(s)) have out there looking right now. they may not always be right around the block, or easily reached, but still.

it's a whole new world of dating. jump in! the very worst that can happen is you meet up with someone in person and the vibe isn't there, and you finish your drink and say, "well, i don't think this is for me. goodnight." that's easy too.

Submitted by PA_Lady on

This past year, I've been too busy with school and other stuff to have much of a social life at all. *sigh* But online dating was a great way for me to get back into dating after my divorce, since I'm not into the bar-every-weekend thing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't drink and most of the bars around here don't play music I can dance to.) For me, the bar is my "gotta get some" event -- go, dance like wild, take somebody out in the parking lot, get rid of them before closing time.

One of the things I like is being able to weed out candidates I know I'm not going to mesh with, even for a half-hour coffee date. One of my profiles even specifies that if you're a registered Republican or think poor people are just bums, keep on moving. (I get a lot more action from that site....) You can't do that with real-life people because you don't find out the major differences until a few dates in. Which isn't time wasted, but by then, I have a personal investment in them as a human being and now I wanna make them change their opinions.

One thing I regret now that my kids are grown/mostly-grown is being too cautious. Regardless of how we met, the guys I dated never met my kids, even in passing (except for one accidental encounter) because I had a strict rule that they weren't to come by when my kids were home, and if they called, they weren't to tell my kids they were my boyfriend/date/whatever.

Part of this was reasonable -- you don't just bring strangers home, especially if you don't know them at all well. And part of it was completely unreasonable -- I grew up with an abusive step-father (not the current one) and it was hard for my mom and I to work past the anger I had that she was so afraid of being alone that she didn't protect us. No way were my kids going to experience that sort of thing! Of course, this desire to protect my kids meant they didn't see me in a relationship or see how men and women interact, and how to deal with the negative interactions.

Once my daughter turned 15, I suddenly realized how stupid this was, so I started being more open about my dating, relationships, etc. My kids are still learning to cope. And they've learned to knock first. *gigglesnort*

CD: I'm having giggles because I can hear my grandmother calling you a hussy. She loved hussies; it was a term of admiration from her. She told me once that she'd been the good girl and her sister had been a hussy, and she knew which one of them had more fun and was happier with their life. Only grandmother in the world who actively encouraged her granddaughters to be hussies. :)

Aeryl: I'm with CD -- go for it. You can remain anonymous to some degree with first encounters -- use pseudonyms, meet at neutral locations to discuss the whats and wheres, and for actual encounters if you choose, until you feel comfortable revealing more.