From the paper that brought you Judith Miller, Michael Gordon, Tom “Suck on This” Friedman, and Jayson Blair:

Is it even possible that Mrs. Clinton thinks someone out there was not offended by her remark, Kennedy relative, Obama relative, or just plain folks?

I hate to break it to you, Times Editorial Board, but you are fucked in the head.

Now, I was a minor-league journalist for just a few years, yet with a little digging, I managed to connect-the-dots on this alternative theory: someone listing campaigns that remained active into June might have been talking about campaigns that remained active into June. If only you had me on your payroll, I could have filed that scoop!

I’m just teasing. The Times Editorial Board is the furthest thing from fucked in the head. Completely virginal in the head you are, for sure.

No reasonable person, certainly not the “plain folks” whom you so humbly serve, could have assumed anything other than foul intent when someone used the word “assassination.” I mean, Christ, the word has “ass” in it. Twice!

And who would even think that “assassination” was an apt term to describe the circumstances of RFK’s precipitous exit from the 1968 campaign? I’ll tell you who: someone who’s no longer worthy of your endorsement (while there’s still time to make amends with the Creative Class).

Since your crack journalism (call it a hunch) has proven that HRC’s comment was inexorably tied to reproach, you’ve got me painted into a corner, and I must confess.

Why wasn’t I offended?

You see, while you’re paid to be honest, accurate, and ethical, I’m (of course) on Karl Rove’s, Bill Kristol’s, and the KKK’s payroll. (Oh, wait, Bill Kristol’s on your payroll? Bad example, sorry.)

What other possibility could there be for me to believe the impossible, that Hillary didn’t mean to celebrate the game-changing possibilities of political murder?

You know, I’d give up this dirty work. I would. But they pay me soooo much. Though it is in Confederate dollars….