Don't Fuck with the Metal Ox

Seems like the "Newspaper of Record" has resorted to covering irrelevant personal details about Patrick "FitzKenobi" Fitzgerald in the absence of news on the indictments.

I don't see why a blog such as this one cannot resort to the same. But of course we (me) are willing to take things to the next level. That's right, Chinese Astrology.

The NYT article reveals he was born in 1961, the year of the Metal Ox. Disclaimer: if he was born before the Lunar New Year (mid-late February) this reading is complete horse hockey. But then again, it's complete horse hockey anyway.

Oxen are powerful individuals with stubborn, reliable personalities. Whether at home or at work these souls need to be captain of their ship and are dependable, honest, and stable. The quiet, yet firm Ox is easy-going, but possesses intense passion beneath their calm exterior.

The Metal element symbolizes clarity, purity and precision. ... This element adds rigidity to an individual sign. Those born into the Metal element are guided by powerful feelings and will seek their goals with unwavering allegiance, chaste {sic} & tendency to speak candidly/bluntly. Much strength of will, and fluency of speech characterize those born into the Metal element.

The NYT article tells us FitzKenobi is messy and likes kitties. Thanks, Newspaper of Record! This USA Today article has a clearer approach to what may soon become [rightfully?] hagiography:

Fitzgerald, 44, was born in Brooklyn. His Irish immigrant father, Patrick Sr., worked as a doorman at a building in Manhattan's Upper East Side. Fitzgerald went to Regis High School, a Jesuit preparatory school, then worked on its maintenance crew to pay his way through Amherst College. He majored in math and economics, then went to Harvard Law School.

Some interesting details. His father might have told Patrick Jr. a thing or two about the arrogance of the upper class. Jesuits are notoriously hardcore prosecutors. Amherst is known for being an eccentric but rigorous institution.

Then there's this tidbit:

Even lawyers who question Fitzgerald's tactics say they don't doubt his character. "Pat is driven by iron-tight integrity and a tireless work ethic," Mendeloff says.

Can you say Metal Ox? I knew that you could.

I'm a Metal Pig. What's your sign, baby?