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Banksters getting cancer from their cell phones

So anti-cell phone fanatics like me have been doing cell phone users a favor:

Earlier this winter, I met an investment banker who was diagnosed with a brain tumor five years ago. He's a managing director at a top Wall Street firm, and I was put in touch with him through a colleague who knew I was writing a story about the potential dangers of cell-phone radiation. He agreed to talk with me only if his name wasn't used, so I'll call him Jim. He explained that the tumor was located just behind his right ear and was not immediately fatal—the five-year survival rate is about 70 percent. He was 35 years old at the time of his diagnosis and immediately suspected it was the result of his intense cell-phone usage. "Not for nothing," he said, "but in investment banking we've been using cell phones since 1992, back when they were the Gordon-Gekko-on-the-beach kind of phone." When Jim asked his neurosurgeon, who was on the staff of a major medical center in Manhattan, about the possibility of a cell-phone-induced tumor, the doctor responded that in fact he was seeing more and more of such cases—young, relatively healthy businessmen who had long used their phones obsessively. He said he believed the industry had discredited studies showing there is a risk from cell phones. "I got a sense that he was pissed off," Jim told me. A handful of Jim's colleagues had already died from brain cancer; the more reports he encountered of young finance guys developing tumors, the more certain he felt that it wasn't a coincidence. "I knew four or five people just at my firm who got tumors," Jim says. "Each time, people ask the question. I hear it in the hallways."


What a shame that the banksters, who made and took the calls that caused so many people to lose their homes, their jobs, and -- as a necessary consequence for some -- their health and their lives, are losing their own health and even their lives, as a result of those same calls. Then again, they're probably insured, and no doubt could throw this year's bonus at a tumor and not even feel it, so no doubt their perception will be that they're surmounting a "personal challenge," as opposed to getting their richly deserved come-uppance.

And sorry to be unsympathetic; I don't think the Buddha would be happy with my views on this particular form of suffering. But I'm not really all that sorry. These parasitic greedheads really did ruin a lot of lives and kill a lot of people, they're totally unrepentant, they run the country, and they're going to do it again. They're a cancer on the country, so the karmic payback is fitting.

NOTE I'm picturing a bankster "Run for the Cure" -- the spokesperson no doubt a cute teenage girl, instead of Gordon Gekko -- but with tiny little jingling sacks of gold instead of pink ribbons....

UPDATE On reflection... I'm letting my schadenfreude take over here. Obviously, if there's any justice in the world, only the Masters of The Universe will suffer for this, and not, say Yves, who probably also used a cellphone.

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CMike's picture
Submitted by CMike on

The Moving Finger writes, and having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all your tears wash out a Word of it.

The great thing about word processing programs is that all you have to do is highlight, backspace, and what would otherwise be an indelible ink problem can be made to go away. I forget which one it is exactly but Rule # something reads: Do be politic when blogging about politics.

CMike's picture
Submitted by CMike on

Granted, most regular readers of the ProgBlogs would agree your reference to karma here is well within the bounds of ordinary blogger civility. However, some of the rest of your sentiments strike me as tending towards the brutal.

quixote's picture
Submitted by quixote on

I want the banksters to suffer in ways that teach them what they've done. Disease doesn't do that, not unless they were already willing to learn the lesson. and the whole problem is, they weren't.

To add my professional-biologist two cents to the cell-phones-tumor-causing vs tin-foil-hat argument:
a) It's a fact that when this has been studied in controlled experiments, the evidence has been weak, at best.
b) It's also a fact that cells do react to magnetic fields.

Given b), and given how high the standards of proof are for a) and the fact that it hasn't been possible to do longitudinal studies of tens of thousands of people, I'd say the jury is still out.

Even as a very hardheaded scientist, and without a square inch of tin foil, you can say there's no proof cell phones are totally harmless. And given that the potential consequence is tumors, keeping the damn phone unglued from the damn head seems like a small price to pay for happiness.

(Bluetooth earhooks transmit very very low power, but they do transmit or they wouldn't work. I have no idea whether they're safe or not.)

jjmtacoma's picture
Submitted by jjmtacoma on

they should have to:
1. scrape up coins from the couch to buy milk
2. fill out 10 forms and pay $40.00 to see a doctor who will tell them it is just a virus and will go away on it's own.
3. ride the city bus to and from work
4. do their own laundry, yard work and clean thier own house
5. cook thier own food
6. eat leftovers for lunch
7. collect unemployment and hope to get a job before it runs out
8. get retraining in a 'growth industry'

that would teach 'em!