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All-American Bullet-headed Saxon Mother's Son

vastleft's picture

[Welcome, C&L readers.]

Mike Huckabee describes the glory of heavenly guidance:

And somehow, by the grace of God, when I squeezed the trigger, my Weatherby .300 Mag, which has got to be the greatest gun, I think, ever made in the form of a rifle — for my sake in hunting, I've never squeezed the trigger and not gotten something — did its work, and somehow the angels took that bullet and went right to the antelope, and my hunt was over in a wonderful way.

That does sound wonderful, indeed.

If there are two things God likes, it's Republicans and animal-killing. So when the Huckster goes a-huntin', you think those angels would be wasting their time saving lives in Darfur? Not bloody likely.

Like the man says, read the Bible — the great epic ode to the pointless slaughter of all critters great and small.

Six chapters after life begins, God drowns nearly every living thing. And ritual sacrifices and other gratuitous animal slaughters spill red all over the black-ink pages of the Pentateuch.

Hell, if angels are on the case on Huck's random hunting trip, they must have been there — playing defense — when Sarah Jane Moore, Squeaky Fromme, and John Hinckley took aim.

Were they absent when Lee Harvey Oswald and Sirhan Sirhan pulled their triggers? Seems unlikely. How could the heavenly creatures who decide what antelope needs to be plugged not have guided those blessed bullets? And who are we to criticize what the haloed ones think is wonderful and full of grace?

If they want Martin Luther King, Jr. dead and George Wallace alive, our job is to praise the lord and the ammunition.

The simple fact is, angels are doing God's telemetry. This I know, because St. Mikey tells me so.

Every time a bullet rings out, an angel gets its sharpshooter badge. Fred Phelps has been telling us that all along, but it took "Nice Guy" Huck to make it all make sense.

NOTE Animal abuse is pervasive in the Republican aristocracy; see the link for examples. Mix 'em, match 'em, share 'em with your friends!--Lambert

And more on the Huckster here -- VL

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It's simply not surprising (though saddening) to me how many Republicans are sick twisted f*#ks.

Their culture is epitomized by a ruthless suppression of empathy. Which, whether they like it or not, is deeply embedded in our nature; indeed, in all mammals. Altruistic behavior has been noted in hundreds of the higher mammal species, so it's in the DNA.

Denying anything that cries out for expression makes for a distorted creature when it finally does surface. The miserable dieter dreams about eating gutwrenching amounts of food, for instance. So when a Republican male does have an emotion, it has to be pounded into "proper" shape, and gets expressed as cruelty.

And it has been amply demonstrated that their family life breeds very sick individuals.

FeralLiberal's picture
Submitted by FeralLiberal on

"I’ve never squeezed the trigger and not gotten something"

Probably an orgasm...

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Fuck Huck.
And for the rest of us:
I hope happy holidays are a possibility for you.
Thanks for the article.

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Does Huckabee's theology B.S. degree teach him that his god also guided all the bullets at the VA Tech tragedy? Does he agree with Osama that their shared god guided the planes on 9/11?

Does he have any clue that he his just playing with himself - a game of "heads - my god wins" and "tails - he had nothing to do with it"?

Well, at least he hasn't sworn to dedicate his Presidency to the glory of the Mormon Church, as Willard has done.