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A Mighty Warrior Has Fallen

chicago dyke's picture

Let's have some shrimp lover's fun, shall we? Sad, lonely Marty:

THE CLINTON FACTOR: My penis is tiny, and very few large breasted 20somethings have asked it they could "kiss it."

I was for Joe Lieberman. He's my BFF! he's tough, manly, and he hates arabs as much as I do. We know what to do, unlike you wimpy, rabid crazies who keep insisting on sources and accuracy and peace. Hippie scum.

I wrote an article about the race between him and Ned Lamont in Monday's Wall Street Journal. I'm important! Look at me, and all the big time papers that I get to write for. Never mind my own magazine's readership has sank like a stone since I was in charge. No one cares what a blog is either.

It was not neutral. Because manly, tough men like me take stands. That's what it means to be a uniting decider at one with the Will of The Lord.

But, though it got plenty of attention in the blogs and on television, Dirty, unwashed little rabid lambs. Not Ivy trained and cucumber sandwich eating like me, no. Irrelevant, low brow, vulgar like TV, those blogs. No self respecting intellect would ever read one, unless it's called something totally witty and bright, like "The Plank."

it did not, alas, help Joe very much. Oh, the humanity. I have failed, forgive me o Lord of Hosts. I was Your Mighty Sword, and it was not enough.

Worse can be said of Bill Clinton's stumping in Connecticut for Joe (and Hillary's endorsement, too.) But it's not my fault! NOT MY FAULT! Padmee! NOOOOOOOO!

When Clinton came into the state, Lieberman and Lamont were running dead even in the polls, more or less. Clinton's appearance began Lieberman's decline. References? Comparisons of long term trends in multiple polls? I don't have to do any such thing, I'm an Important Intellect. Trust me.

Within two or three days, Lieberman was down by ten points. (In the last few days of the campaign, Lieberman recovered considerably ... but not enough.) The Holiness of my BFF- contaminated! The filth and stench of the Clenis, striking down the righteous once again. Weep, my faithfuls, and cry for the Prophet stain'd.

I know there's some nostalgia in the Democratic Party for Clinton and for Hillary, too. Forget, little lambs, just blank out of your minds. The last six years never happened, it's all a dream. A dream, I tell you. You are getting verrrry sleeeepy.

But for many, in the party and out, the Clintons are a nightmare. A nightmare, as James Joyce said, from which we are trying to awake. As many said in 2000, our long national nightmare with peace and prosperity is finally at an end. YWHW be praised!

The common wisdom is that Al Gore would have won in 2000 had he embraced Clinton more or had he allowed Clinton to embrace him. Well, look at what happened to Joe. Are you getting it yet, America? Can you hear me? The time has come, and if you don't embrace the Righteous as your leaders, you're doomed, doomed I tell you!!!

/Slinks off to Signatures, wonders why all the tables are so empty. Orders ham and shrimp sandwhich. Wipes away bitter tears as they slide into his glass of Pinot Grigio./

--Martin Peretz/A very naughty CD

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