For those who prefer sitcoms and primetime dramas while neglecting the humor and drama of the ongoing presidential race, a little synopsis – in their terms.

In both the Democratic and Republican polling in Iowa, the numbers are Too Close For Comfort. Pundits seem to agree that Three’s Company, and any candidate lower will not be a Survivor. Who will be The Biggest Loser? And who will go on to Fame and become Commander In Chief?

Among the Republicans:

The Arrested Development regarding The Commish that served under Rudy Giuliani while mayor that has led to at least one Conviction has hurt his candidacy. Many questions have been raised as to whether is he a true Family Guy.

Mike Huckabee has been Touched By An Angel in his travels on the Highway To Heaven. He claims that only Miracles would make him president. Amen.

The Greatest American Hero, John McCain has touted his Maverick status while referring to nearly everyone as “my Friends.”

Fred Thompson has consistently been able to Curb Your Enthusiasm and appears to be more of a TV test pattern than a candidate.

Flipper, Mitt Romney has gone through an Extreme Makeover while denying he is The Pretender. He hopes his Family Ties to Michigan might be the enough to counter the Damages inflicted by his nearest rivals. Romney’s Rules of Engagement consist almost solely of throwing Dirt.

Duncan Hunter has remained The Invisible Man while fighting the Invasion from any Alien Nation.

Ron Paul attempts a Mission Impossible with Big Love from those who fear Big Brother and despise the Supernanny state.

And Alan Keyes is simply in The Twilight Zone.

As for the Democrats:

Often chided for being one of those Designing Women, Hillary Clinton battles questions about a Dynasty, where the United States’ presidency will be All In The Family for over two decades if she wins. If elected and both she and former president Bill Clinton are in the West Wing, Who’s The Boss?

Barak Obama is an American Idol who hopes The It Factor will turn out The Young Ones as Bill Richardson seems to be a little Clueless and a clear Underdog. When is comes Senator Dodd, as far as the press is concerned, Everybody Hates Chris.

John Edwards just asks, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” fighting against The Insiders. Gimme A Break!

Far from Average Joe Biden constantly gets the Shaft from the press despite his experience.

Mike Gravel seems to be Lost In Space.

Finally, Dennis Kucinich’s X-Files regarding My Favorite Martian made him a punch line. Mrs. Kucinich and he made even more headlines as Beauty And The Geek.

Who’s The Real McCoy? Out of Iowa we just might get Two And A Half Men and Three Stooges.

Just Shoot Me if we get more of the current national policies. That is my Fear Factor.

I only hope that when people vote in November they Get Smart. When they think about the years of Republican White House control they just might say, “Eight Is Enough.”

That would be Absolutely Fabulous and the result could be Happy Days and Good Times.